now i know why i became what i already was.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I have post one night stand depression
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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