Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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