it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
