I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
