so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Randomize
