He asked me if I "almost moaned"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
