I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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