Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
