I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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