I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
