Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
