I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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