I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
