what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
