Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
