Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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