He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
