That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
