I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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