pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
