2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
