I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
