Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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