is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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