I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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