So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
