when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
