I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
