Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
