I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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