Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
