8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
