I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
