no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
