I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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