Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
