it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
