Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
