she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
