Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
