Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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