Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
