Apparently you make a good broom.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
