you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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