I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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