We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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