I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
