There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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