Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
