I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You're like the curious george of whores
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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