so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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