remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
