So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
