It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
