Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
there's paper in my vomit.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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