im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
