She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
