Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
